Learn to say no, it is the best gift you could give yourself. “No, that’s not going to work for me” is a phrase one should maybe tattoo someplace. Too much, how about a beaded necklace or bracelet bearing this phrase?
This is not a new concept it is just difficult to master. Oprah talked about it for some time, it was difficult for her but rewarding. It is powerful to say no, it means you don’t do things you do not want to do. In the life of women of size it teaches you to stand up for yourself. More often than not you do not owe others an explanation. A good strategy, if you are having difficulty saying no, say “let me think about it and get back to you.” Even if you say yes after thinking it through you may still have room to go back and say, “on further reflection….”
My friend is 68 and gets asked to babysit her grandchildren often. It is way too much for her under certain situations. She just says ok to it all. What is wrong with saying no to the things that don’t work for you? What is the worst that can happen? Chances are her daughter already knows it is too much and likely feels a bit guilty. It is human nature to take advantage of a situation like this but she would probably be open to changing things.
Maybe one should ask oneself how different life would feel by just saying “no” when it works for you!
Here are my words of wisdom for surviving life as women of size in a society that is crazy about dieting and the beauty culture. Part One
The number one thing in my opinion is to teach people how to treat you. This may take some practice but you might be surprised how fast others learn that they should not “mess with you.” This could take a book or manuscript but for now this is the short version. Start in small ways and practice. We all have the right to choose our own lifestyles. If you are being hassled close to home you might want to start by saying “stop saying that” or “I will not be treated like that” ( walking away after such a statement works, especially if positive dialogue is not in the cards). How about ” I will not engage in that topic” or “I am so over this topic”. Sometimes if you are fortunate you can engage in a conversation about what you truly want from your spouse, partner etc. Seems we forget to tell those important to us what we want and don’t want.
I learned from a customer that her husband always assumed she wanted to be encouraged to lose weight. When they had the “what I want” conversation he was shocked to learn his wife hated his input. He revealed he was never concerned about her size, he thought she was great. Oh that overused word “communication”.
Watch for more points on living your best life as a woman of size.