Moving Forward: Part One
Here are my words of wisdom for surviving life as women of size in a society that is crazy about dieting and the beauty culture. Part One
The number one thing in my opinion is to teach people how to treat you. This may take some practice but you might be surprised how fast others learn that they should not “mess with you.” This could take a book or manuscript but for now this is the short version. Start in small ways and practice. We all have the right to choose our own lifestyles. If you are being hassled close to home you might want to start by saying “stop saying that” or “I will not be treated like that” ( walking away after such a statement works, especially if positive dialogue is not in the cards). How about ” I will not engage in that topic” or “I am so over this topic”. Sometimes if you are fortunate you can engage in a conversation about what you truly want from your spouse, partner etc. Seems we forget to tell those important to us what we want and don’t want.
I learned from a customer that her husband always assumed she wanted to be encouraged to lose weight. When they had the “what I want” conversation he was shocked to learn his wife hated his input. He revealed he was never concerned about her size, he thought she was great. Oh that overused word “communication”.
Watch for more points on living your best life as a woman of size.
What a great conversation to have! My biggest problem is my mother. I firmly believe that no matter what I do I will never be successful in her eyes until I weigh 125 pounds. She fought her weight her entire life until the last 2 years. She lost and gained the same 57 pounds at least 50 times yet they always found her again. When I was unemployed a couple of years ago she suggested that I did not get a job because it would require contact with the public. I try to ignore her but she still has an effect.
I am looking forward to reading more of your blog on “Moving Forward”. I agree that we have to teach people how we want to be treated and this would be for any situation. Since this one is on “women of size” and being one of those women, I wonder if you could elaborate a bit more on the phrases “mess with you” and hassle. I have loved ones that are concerned with health issues for me but I don’t feel like I am being “messed with” or “hassled”. Just curious about those statements.
I really enjoy reading your blogs and look forward to them.
Well this reminds me of how my grandmother treated me. She said some really tough things not unlike you describe from your mother. One summer I lost lots of weight and when I saw her she told me I had on way too much make-up. I was young and it confused me. No mention of how slim I was!!!! Now of course I see that it was all her agenda, she also was always losing the same few pounds. Eventually I came to understand that I needed to find a way to be clear about how great I was and that it really did not matter what others thought. I read recently that if you are creating your own sense of well being and stay in that vibration it really does not matter how much restistance comes your way, just don’t push up against it. You are great!!!
Thanks for the comment. Not everone gets “hassled” or ” messed with” and certainly there are those of you who have great support systems. It has been my experience after 30 years in the fitness and fashion business for women of size that there is plenty of negative comments and sometimes abuse. If you have great self-esteem is will happen less. I consider myself to have “elevated” self-esteem and yet I still receive some very inappropriate comments. I just like to let those folks know that it is not all right with me. It feels so good to protect your sense of well-being and hold your own power close to you.
Thank you for explaining. I realize there are people out there that can be cruel, family, as well as, strangers. It is unfortunate and I am sure some people think that any one that is “of size” just sits around eating bon bons. So by all means, those people should be told that it is not all right.
Thank you again for the explanation and looking forward to your next blog.
Well done Suzanne…people make judgements and usually it is all about them – maybe everyone should carry a big mirror and hold it up when someone says something …bad and actually good as well…Now wouldn’t that be fun? Kindness and compassion in life is for all of us to ourselves and to each other…can’t beat the effect of that…what matters is the size of your heart, not your body.
I grew up with criticism as well and it hurt big time. I honestly believe it made me larger and had I received positive comments to bolster my self-esteem I would have not had the misery and guilt over my weight that lasted well into adulthood. Large as Life was a great influence to bring balance and increased self-esteem into my life.
While I do have mobility issues now and I know they would be improved with weight loss I still feel like a first class woman worthy of respect, love and to walk with my head held high!
Good points made, Suzanne. “It feels so good to protect your sense of well-being and hold your own power close to you.”, well said!